Tuesday, October 31, 2006
@9:38 PM
1st WEEK of SYAWAL
A week of Syawal has passed. I've been in a mix of many moods. The mood to jalan raya has to be curbed due to the SA2 exams. Not that I have to stay home to study, but I had to spend some quality time with my tutees. I wanted to set aside time to plan for good revision lessons for my pupils to prepare them well.
I could have done more.. with more time. But as a colleague said, "We can't save the world." The pupils have the potential. The teachers are there to complement their learning abilities. And that's the hardest thing.
Exams ended today. My classes' scripts have been marked. I smiled when I got back my Maths scripts last Friday. I'm proud of them for their commendable improvement. Alhamdullilah.
Today I got back my Science scripts. My escalating worries for them were not baseless. I just feel so sorry for some of them. They will be banded soon and I can foresee where most of them will go. But there's no point brooding over it now.
Ah... let's talk about something more joyous. I shall update you on my Hari Raya so far.
This year's 1st day outfit was white and pink! I LOVE the colour combination; purity with a dash of sweetness ;) I didn't manage to get my father to wear pink though :(.
My family with dear paternal grandpa. The only grandparent left.I have always loved Hari Raya mainly for the reason that I would get to meet up with so many people ( besides all the kuih raya, F&N drinks and sumptous spread of food on the table which will make me gain more weight!) -my immediate and extended relatives, friends (including those whom I haven't met for ages), current and ex-pupils and many more! Just the perfect occassion to renew those broken ties and strengthen even more the existing ones.
I will always look forward to the yearly Raya visiting with my paternal family. We will go on a convoy from one house to another house and the last stop will always be for supper! We meet on Saturday afternoon at my house and set off in a trail of 7 cars this year. And Ayer Raya Food Centre has once again gotten the majority's vote. It's the hotspot for the 3rd year running. Looking forward to our next outing.... we surely won't miss taking our group photos at our favourite spots.
The Karap company......
I will update you on more of the Raya visits and visitors in my next entry.
Stay tuned....
Monday, October 23, 2006
@4:10 AM
HER ENTRY HIT ME ON THE HEAD
I love going through my friends' blogs. They have such flair for writing and that makes their blogs interesting to read. I was reading JIEJA's (she's under one of my darlinks) blog and her latest entry triggers my thoughts. I could feel her words hitting me.
*Sorry Jiej, aku copy a large portion of it here. More for the purpose of sharing with my other readers. Kalau kau mind, minta maaf zahir dan batin. Nanti aku bayar royalty ok? Datang rumah aku makan kuih raya cukup?*
This is a large portion of her blog entry:
____________________________________________________________________
LETTING GO
Dr. Alan Zimmerman's comments:Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way. They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It's able.
Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you're headed for deeper problems.In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get.You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll find your productivity slowing down as you find more and more time thinking about the slight or telling others about it.
Eventually, if you don't stop doing it, you'll even get sick. So what should you do the next time someone betrays you?TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS.Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings.
In other words, other people do not "cause" your feelings.You choose them.
As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck.You're a helpless victim. But if you recognize the fact that you choose your feelings and you are responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do.Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT.It's difficult to do, but it's possible.
And what can you do about anything once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn't. Those are your only two choices.Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up.
Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult, especially when the other person doesn't deserve your forgiveness or doesn'teven seek it. It's difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong.Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness.Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behavior is okay. And forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook. He's still responsible for his misbehavior.
Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It's about releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviors. It's about letting go of the past so you can go forward to thefuture.Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you'll be way ahead of most people. You'll be able to live above andbeyond your circumstances.
___________________________________________________________________
At the end of the entry, she asked to identify two people whom have disappointed, hurt, or angered me. I think she will know who comes across my mind first.
Even from the start, a friend was already on my mind. Yes a friend, not an enemy but a friend. I reflected on her entry.
Perhaps you wonder why am I feeling that bitterness after all this while if everything has been forgiven? Yes it has been forgiven, but not forgotten. I do not purposely remember but the memories just linger on in my mind. Almost all of the many beautiful and sweet memories and few but deep ugly ones.
It was because I got my emotions too deeply involved back then that the few deep ugly memories overwrite the many beautiful ones. And also because I miss the beautiful days. Back then I wanted to remember everthing single thing that we did. I wanted to cherish every moment so till now all the memories are still deely embedded in my mind.
I can smile thinking of them, but moments later it will just trigger my tearduct. I know I am responsible for my feelings. I don't want to feel miserable.
I know HE has HIS reasons for everything. I am paying for my misdeeds for forgetting HIM when HE granted me that short-lived happiness. I broke HIS rules.
I have no grudge against my friend. I want us to remain as friends. But somehow things have turn awkward and I know I feel sad because of that. You have become that friend yet a stranger.
I know I acted aloof whenever you are around. I was just controlling my emotions.
For whatever that has been said and done, I know I was hurt and disappointed more than angered. You had your reasons and I had my hopes. They did not complement ..... and so the story goes.
I do take responsibilty for my own feelings. I am very aware that I am emotional. I am stubborn but fragile. It is easy to make me happy and it is also easy to break me.
I am still fixing myself up. It's taking a longer time than I expected. The hairline crack will always remain visible but lets see that as the patterns of my life that makes the picture all more interesting.
It's already the eve of Hari Raya.
Di sini Azah ingin sekali mengambil kesempatan ini untuk menyusun sepuluh jari meminta ampun dan maaf sekiranya ada terkasar bahasa, atau pernah sesekali Azah menyinggung perasaan sesiapa.
Sebagai hambaNya Azah tak terlepas daripada membuat salah.
Buanglah yang keruh, ambil yang jernih. Semoga Lebaran ini membawa seribu kenangan manis untuk dititip hingga ke hari tua.
Jemputlah datang ke rumah nanti ye!
To my none-Muslim friends, have a good holiday!
Friday, October 20, 2006
@3:45 PM
Hello people... yeah I know someone has been bugging me to update my blog, right Raynard? Relax, haven't I warn you the frequency of the updates will fluctuate? Depending on my mood, time and internet access. The whole of this week has been hectic.
PSLE MARKING
The marking extravaganza is over.
4 days of no school (Mon-Thurs) is no holiday. I was out at Rivervale Primary marking this year's PSLE Science paper. My first time doing it. Great experience but I tell you, IT WAS VERY TIRING! Imagine marking hundreds of scrpits from 8 to 5 (ok exception for the 1 hr lunch break and 2 15-min tea break).
And as I marked, I wondered how my own pupils faired or perhaps my cousins, nephews and nieces, friends' siblings. Could the scripts that I was marking be theirs?
My team mates were really on the go. I had a great team which made time fly and everything a breeze. I was the only one from Fuchun who got thrown to Rivervale. So sad! Everyone else had their colleagues around. But thankfully my team mates were all very friendly and so I didn't feel so lonely afterall. We even shared some classroom tales, which I so love to hear! hehe
I can't imagine the 1.5hr journey I have to go through every morning taking the public transport from Sembawang to Sengkang. Taking the MRT would have been so leceh! Or I would have to change to 3 buses. Thankfully Abah was willing to make the trip to and fro to send and fetch me. THANK YOU ABAH! I LOVE YOU!!
That was a good 1st experience at marking... despite going home with a backache everyday. Salonpas became my sleeping companion for the past 4 nights.
The extravanganza may be over, but I know the marking will never end. I'm just awarded another 3 stacks of revision worksheets from my pupils today. And I will need to return them by Monday. So weekend gone again?
Pupils, you better not complaining about your teachers giving you too much homework! One set for you is 40 times as much for us. Killing you means killing ourselves even more!!!!
BREAK FAST WITH MENDAKI PUPILS
Last Tuesday night, I finally got the chance, or more rightly put the time to break fast with my P6 Mendaki pupils. They have been bugging me endlessly to bring them out since they are so bored at home. So Tuesday night it was.
Met at Jurong Entertainment Centre. I didn't dare to bring them anywhere further since all of them stayed in Teban and Pandan. Susah oi nak jaga anak orang. I don't want to be responsible if anything happens. It was night time anyway and I wanted them to be home by 9. That also I have to talk to some of their parents to seek
permission.
4 
4out of the 9 pupils who made it: Amirah, Adibah, Karlina and Arfina... plus Arfina's cute little sister.They requested for Pizza Hut. These kids sure know how to get their money worth it! :)
Well we had a great time. I'm gonna miss them.
EXAM FEVER
Oh man... is Hari Raya really around the corner?
Time really flies, doesn't it? I'm in no mood this year. Just just super busy. Ya some people have been trying to arrange buka puasa together but I just can't squeeze the time. Sorry ya.
I haven't shop much for Raya. Usually by this time, I would have gotten most of my things ready.I'm more worried for my pupils now. Their exams are just the day after Raya. I have stacks of revision papers to mark. I plan to type revision notes. Will my pupils do well this time?
Arrgghh I'm freaking worried la. It's not the time for festives. It would only be great if I can chuck work aside and celebrate. It's bad enough that they have been left alone at home for the past 4 days. And another break next week. Will my pupils be responsible enough to revise as I've told them?
The stress for my P6s is over.... now I'm stressed for my P2s and 4s.
I haven't been helping my mum much with the house chores too. I know she's complaining in silence. So my poor sister yang jadi mangsa. Hhmm I shall promise this weekend for you ok Mak. Eerr that is after my 2-hr tuition on Saturday morning.
Friday, October 06, 2006
@1:59 PM
MAJOR REVAMP
Ok if it's a headache viewing my entries, then I apologise. The colours are too well blended for you to see the words. I'm wanting to change the colours of the fonts but it's just far too tedious for me. Well for those who know me well enough, I'm not so IT savvy so doing this is a major hurdle for me.
But I'm not doing this myself. I'm revamping my blog with the help of a student. He's done with his PSLE and now bored with nothing to do at home. So he has volunteered to do some CIP work for me :) Thanks Raynard! *I'm publicly declaring my appreciation. You better be touched!*
By the way, mentioning about PSLE, I wonder how my pupils will fare. I have a few P6 classes and many tutees too. Especially worried for my EM3 pupils and my Pandan Mendaki students. Hope they are able to manage well so far. Dorang yang ambik exam, aku yang nervous.
I can still remember taking the PSLE myself. How I PRETENDED to be studying in the room the day before the papers. Somehow I didn't feel the stress of taking such a major exam back then. Luckily my results didn't turn out bad or else I would still be looking back at those days and regretting not studying. *Ok ok I can hear my mum saying " Tapi kalau belajar lagi kan boleh lebih baik"* --> Azah simply being complacent.
But I have no regrets with my education journey that I went through for the past decade. Oh actually I have.... I could have done much better in NUS and get my honours. Nevermind, kalau ada rezeki, I will continue upgrading myself. *Azah dah start berangan. Namun akan ku jadikan azam. In support of MOE's vision of lifelong learning!*
Ok ok gota go now, Meeting Anisa and Aisha to discuss about our December trip, kalau jadi. Haiz, somehow everyone is so busy that it's hard to get a common timing to go.
*Raynard! Don't run away yet, I still need a lot of help to fix my blog!*
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
@12:45 AM
I TRY TO LISTEN BETTER NOW
Wah suddenly I realise that I have been updating quite frequently. Let's not speak too soon..... I might go missing again anytime.
Anyway I was away from school again today. Attended a Basic Counselling Course for Beginning Teachers at Teacher's Network. Frankly, I would rather be in school with my pupils to finish up the syllabus! A whole day course is no incentive, especially not when I'm practically yawning the whole morning and perpetually dozing off right under the the speaker's nose. I didn't stay up that late watching my Korean DVDs ok (Oh btw, I've finally completed my Winter's Sonata!! So mum may I have the DVDs back pls!!!).
But I did pick up a few counselling tips. Hopefully I can put that to good use when dealing with my problematic pupils.
Here's a poem which was shared during the course and I want to share it with you! I will go back tomorrow and share it with my pupils too. They better listen better from then on! *I wish!*
I TRY TO LISTEN BETTER NOW
When God gave out brains,
I thought He said trains,
And I missed mine.
When God gave out looks,
I thought He said books,
And I didn't want any.
When God gave out noses,
I thought He said roses,
And I asked for a red one.
When God gave out legs,
I thought He said cakes,
And I asked for two round ones.
When God gave out chins,
I thought He said gins,
And I ordered a double.
When God gave out heads,
I thought He said beds,
And I asked for a soft one.
Since then....
I'M TRYING TO LISTEN BETTER NOW.
Yes I think I better do... don't you think so too?!
Monday, October 02, 2006
@10:27 PM
TERRIBLE
My mum hid the Korean DVDs which I borrowed from my Aunt. Haha now you know how bad she's against me watching them.
And I think I've gotten my Aunt into trouble. She already warned me not to let my mum know that she lent me those.... but due to my oversight, I left those DVDs in the plastic bag and happily put it in the kitchen!!!
Oh oh now not only I'm nagged by my mum, I think my Aunt will get nagged by her for lending those to me too!
FYI: My Aunt is also an addict of Korean shows, ok ok maybe not as bad as me but she has quite a huge collection! So she's been a good friend of mine lately hehe :)
Anyway it's nice being a primary school teacher! We get to enjoy an extra holiday! Happy Children's Day people! Surely there's still a child in everyone of us.... right?!
Sunday, October 01, 2006
@1:26 AM
KOREAN WAVE
Another update about me... I've been an addict of Korean movies and series lately! You guys should check out Kwon Sang Woon. He's blardy cute can?!! Watch him in 'Stairway To Heaven' and he'll melt your heart. I'm serious! No joke here! Ok ok I can hear some of you saying "Ala that Azah will cry over everything and anything!" Well perhaps that's pretty true. I'm an emotional girl. My tears is one of my weakness. Perhaps I can relate to how the characters are feeling. It's such that I can feel my heart aching along as I watch the movie.
I'm currently watching the drama series Winter's Sonata. Not as touching as Stairway To Heaven (the poster above) but touching enough to make me cry. Haha I can still remember my mum's remarks seeing how badly I cried watching Stairway. She said, " Eh eh Azah, teruknya nangis. Mak meninggal pun agaknya Azah tak nangis teruk macam ini". Ish kesitu pulak mak aku ni. She's actually fed up that I'm so hooked to the 10-odd-vcds-long series. Yes, she wishes that I can be that committed when doing my household chores instead.... Com'on mum, can you offer something more interesting?!
So to you guys who would want to start a new interest, I can lend you my dvds!! Got lots of them now. You can start with the movies first!
My family with dear paternal grandpa. The only grandparent left.
