Thursday, October 25, 2007
@9:54 PM
I DIDN'T MEAN TO
I was reading your blog entry and I can't help wondering whether it was me you are referring to. Even if it wasn't me you are talking about, I do admit that I may not have been updating you about things personally. The blog has been a convenient avenue to keep one another updated.
It's not that I'm casting you or anyone else aside. It's not that I've already gained new friends and abandoning my old loyal ones. This matter from the very start was seen as a 'forbidden' one by many. But my intentions were clear, and you can say I was stubborn. Although I must admit along the way I did get myself entangled with my own emotions but I knew I wanted to serve my main intention above anything else.
I know the few people who knew the story from the beginning were very concern. I understand their point of view. I was scared myself initially but I don't know why... I just went ahead with what I was strongly feeling deep inside. Those very few people who knew just happened to dig it out from me. Frankly speaking, it wasn't one of those stories I would openly and proudly tell people about, because I could anticipate the kind of reactions and I don't blame them. So it just became my own personal life story which I pen down occasionally in my blog. And I'm sure from here, you readers could roughly follow the development of it.
I hope you don't feel offended. I really did not mean to cast anyone aside. Let the details of this part of my life story be kept within me.
You are still and have always been a very dear friend to me. Friends cannot be replaced. You yourself know that I'm one who likes to keep to myself.
Anyway I can't say I'm perfectly fine already. But I try to be better. Perhaps I've never experience this kind of loss before...... I'm not questioning God's plan but I'm just missing a dear friend.
But don't you worry ya peeps! Thanks for all the concern. Very much appreciated.
LOVE YOU LOTS! *hugs*
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
@12:30 AM
ATTACK KUReally in no spirit for raya this year..I realised I don't even have any photos to show off. Went raya visiting also just for the sake of pleasing my parents, so I had to dragged myself along.Anyway took the day off *AGAIN!*. After a whole week away from the pupils last week, I still wasn't looking forward to be back in school. And to make matters worse, I kept having this acute sharp pain on the right side of my head. Imagine while teaching and I would suddenly cringe and hold my head in pain, not once, not twice but periodically. Even some of the pupils were panicking and asking me whether I was ok. I've never had such attacks before and I was telling Joyce maybe I was going to die. Yes it was that painful. Pulled through the whole day in school, took a nap when I reached home, hoping that the pain would go away but no! I was relieved of the pain only for a mere 15 mins then it came attacking again..I've never experience this kind of pain before and I don't wish to get it again. The doc said it was stressed induced or I was thinking too much.... Well was I? I don't know la.But one thing I'm really sad about today is my hp. It just had a mild fall but it decided to end it's life today. I can't switch it on again.... So gone are all my contacts and those precious msges. Now I've gota rely on my memory to remember those nice moments and to all of you out there, do msg me your contact number ya.... my phonebook is basically down to complete emptiness.
Monday, October 22, 2007
@9:42 PM
A LITTLE TOO LATE
You've been waiting for the article to be published but you did not get to see it. It came out today. You insisted that I joined in the phototaking although I felt a little out of place. I was there as the teacher-figure.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
@5:27 PM
Doa Perpisahan
Pertemuan kita di suatu hari
Menitikkan ukhuwah yang sejati
Bersyukurku kehadap Illahi
Di atas jalinan yang suci
Namun kini perpisahan yang terjadi
Dugaan yang menimpa diri
Bersabarlah diatas suratan
Kutetap pergi jua
Kan kuutuskan salam ingatanku
Dalam doa kudusku sepanjang waktu
Ya Allah bantulah hamba-Mu
Mencari hidayah dari pada-Mu
Dalam mendidikan kesabaranku
Ya Allah tabahkan hati hamba-Mu
Diatas perpisahan ini
Teman betapa pilunya hatiku
Menghadapi perpisahan ini
Pahit manis perjuangan
Telah kita rasa bersama
Semoga Allah meredhai
Persahabatan dan perpisahan ini
Teruskan perjuangan
Kan kuutuskan salam ingatanku
Dalam doa kudusku sepanjang waktu
Ya Allah bantulah hamba-Mu
Senyuman yang tersirat di bibirmu
Menjadi ingatan setiap waktu
Tanda kemesraan bersimpul padu
Kenangku di dalam doamu
Semoga... Tuhan berkatimu
@4:52 PM
IN LOVING MEMORY
The four of us paid you a visit today. We almost didn't make it there. It was raining heavily this morning; Hafiz and Ruhaizan thought that we shouldn't make our way there. But alhamdulillah, we still made the trip because Dja and I were persistent enough. And alhamdulillah... the sun welcomed us when we reached. Not even a slight drizzle. I'm sure you were also looking forward to our arrival. I hope you are happy to see us there together. I have been having this heavy feeling in me since last night, but to have all your dear friends with me, it was comforting enough.
As I stood there and looked around the cemetary, I felt scared. I am scared that I'm not ready to face You when my time comes. In what state will I leave this place? Will people continue to pray for me while I await for judgement day in my dark space? Hopefully I can serve my purpose in this life while I still have the chance.
Anyway below is an article beautifully written by Abu Sufian:
Salaam
I dedicate this to the people i know, who constantly worry about, and try to help our youths; who spend days and nights at our mosques; whom i know strive for, and look forward to the pleasure of meeting their Creator.
a few months ago, i made a new friend at the mosque.
that first time when i met him, he was wearing a turban, and i thought, how interesting for such a young man, to be dressed this way, on a rather ordinary day. he had arranged to meet me.
he was a student in syria, and had come back for his holidays, planning to go back there after a few months. in the meantime, he was posted to a mosque here, and thus introduced to me as the youth executive officer at that mosque.
i didn't want to take him seriously too soon, because sometimes after you invest too much time in a cause, the attrition rate gets to you - off he goes and another one comes, the story has to be repeated again.
this friend, however, had other ideas. one of his favourite movies was 300, and he carefully laid out his plan for me that cold saturday morning. excusing his rather military imagery, he wanted to create his band of 300 youths, who would then help to attract other youths to the mosque's youths activities.
i had tried, with other volunteers and personnel, for months to achieve something close to that, and wanted to tell him that it was difficult. i wanted to give him many reasons to try keep his ideas rooted to the ground, but before i could, he showed me some papers, and there were names of youths whom he had already managed to convince to sign up with the youth wing. that was fast. this guy must be something different, i thought.
sometime in ramadhan, i dropped by the mosque to meet old friends, and was pleasantly surprised to see new faces.. ahh, these must be the new boys who have been roped in by so-and-so. this friend, was walking the talk.
we met behind the scenes, at the library, the coffeeshop... updating each other, we would face stumbling blocks, but he would always follow up the next sentence with, "ok, takpe... kita buat macam gini.." what we couldnt do before in half-a-year, he did in one month with minimal support..
along the way, i found out we had common friends, and they told of how he'd come a long way, from days at fmsa, to going to the raffles equivalent of the pondok pesantrens in indonesia, to where he was today in syria. when he himself spoke of syria, it was with much fondness, and a longing to go back there... and to stay there. he also spoke of time spent teaching the religion in london, where he said that people were seeking knowledge. but for the meantime, his mission was here, he knew about the state of youth in his home country, and he had to play his part.
along the way too, i left, confident that the mosque youth was in good hands, and that this was the person to lead the way.
recently in Ramadhan, on the day of the mosque's youth-in-charge programme, some things didn't go as smoothly as planned. i could see him, with the others, trying their best.
last thursday, he was to call me, to apologise for some mismanagement during the event, but we both agreed that it was a good learning point, particularly for the new youths, some of whom were helping out at a mosque for the first time. on the phone, he spoke lovingly and forgivingly of those youths, just being glad that they had turned up to support the event.
on friday afternoon, he called to apologise again. he wanted to meet me to pass some cash from the mosque, and said it was his responsibility to ensure i got it if i needed it before hari raya. i lost count the number of times he apologised.
our differences, if any, were out of irritation. i loved the fact that he would know something was troubling me, and he would just offer his apologies anyway. because its probably something i wished i cld do sometimes.
i remember that smile, that husky voice, that laugh. that tired face which would brighten up once i looked upon it. that black songkok tilted handsomely, and the baggy pants made up of quirky-patterned cloth.
i met him less than ten times in the space of 3, 4 months, but it was always long. we spoke on the phone a lot. to me, seeing him was like seeing any living companion of the prophet.. i could just imagine. never dogmatic, moderate, never gave up, extremely accomodating, warm, able to dig in with the boys, always said what was just, able to adjust and adapt to his environment. that is the friend i met.
on friday night, the eve of eid, on the way back from the mosque, near his home, outside another mosque, or so i heard, he met with an accident. i heard that perhaps, he was tired. the next day, he was supposed to have been helping to coordinate eid prayers. but now he couldnt.
he never got up.
saw him on the first day of eid. a muscular and able young man normally full of spirit, unconscious in ICU. saw his family, friends, fiancee.
i wanted to cry on the first day, but didnt cos we all had to hope for the best.
i had joked the week before with another friend.. eid's on saturday... would u rather go on friday cos its ur last chance in ramadhan, or would you rather live and meet eid on saturday?
on the second day of Eid, Mohammad Rafiq bin Yahya, passed away, unconscious since his accident on friday night.
just like how he popped up into my life, and called me for a meeting that rainy saturday morning, he left.
just after ramadhan, on a night when Allah's name was being glorified, probably in quick, instantenous pain, on the way back from the mosque.
can we all wish for a better end? for all the mudslinging about what jihad is, my friend died in His Path, right there. Probably, God didnt even want him to say goodbye to us. Probably, both of them couldn't wait to see each other.
4 months, in loving memory of a man who served God till his last. we are all for the poorer now.
"we all walk the long road, there's no need to say goodbye"
~ eddie veder
Al-Fatihah,
Ustaz Mohammad Rafiq bin Yahya
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
@12:03 AM
Oleh Farid Hamzah RANCANGAN untuk bernikah awal bulan depan tidak kesampaian bagi Encik Muhammad Rafiq Yahya selepas beliau terkorban akibat kemalangan jalan raya yang berlaku pada malam Aidilfitri.
Encik Muhammad Rafiq bahkan merancang untuk menyambung pengajian ke Syria bersama bakal isterinya selepas diijabkabul, namun malang tidak berbau.
Allahyarham, 25 tahun, meninggal dunia malam kelmarin - dua hari selepas motosikal yang ditunggangnya tergelincir di Choa Chu Kang Drive.
Seorang jurucakap polis berkata, kejadian itu berlaku sekitar 11.35 malam Jumaat lalu.
Allahyarham Muhammad Rafiq mengalami kecederaan di kepala dan dikejarkan ke Hospital Universiti Nasional (NUH) dengan ambulans tetapi meninggal dunia dua hari kemudian sekitar 9.20 malam.
Allahyarham merancang bernikah pada 3 November ini sebelum menyambung pengajian bersama bakal isterinya.
Beliau juga adalah aktivis belia masjid dan pernah menjadi imam sambilan.
Semasa ditemui di flat keluarganya di Blok 157, Jalan Teck Whye, kakak Allahyarham, Cik Rahida, 26 tahun, berkata adik lelakinya itu pulang ke Singapura dari Universiti Jamiah Abu Nour di Syria, Jun lalu, selepas menamatkan tahun pertama pengajiannya dalam jurusan Syariah.
'Nampaknya, semua rancangan Allahyarham tidak akan tercapai,' katanya dengan rasa pilu.
Tunangnya, Cik Siti Khadijah Ithnin, 23 tahun, yang juga merupakan pelajar di universiti yang sama, berkata kali terakhir beliau bertemu Allahyarham ialah pada Khamis lalu semasa waktu berbuka.
'Memang segala rancangan untuk majlis pernikahan kami telah dibuat. Malah, kami sudah juga rancang mengadakan majlis pernikahan kami di Masjid An-Nur,' katanya dengan tenang.
Sejak kembali bercuti, Allahyarham, anak kedua empat beradik, telah bertugas secara sambilan sebagai pegawai pembangunan belia di masjid tersebut.
Allahyarham juga merupakan imam sambilan solat waktu dan tarawih semasa Ramadan lalu.
Pengerusi Eksekutif Masjid An-Nur, Encik Abdul Rahim Mawasi, berkata:
'Beliau seorang yang begitu bertanggungjawab.
'Malah sebelum kejadian itu, Allahyarham datang ke masjid untuk memastikan segala logistik berjalan dengan sempurna bagi solat Aidilfitri esoknya. Sebelum pulang, beliau juga sempat memberi salam terakhirnya kepada saya.'
I just want to put the above article for memory. Alhamdulillah, I'm coping with the loss better today. Perhaps I have been occupied with the PSLE marking but more importantly, I know that Allah loves him more and that we should all not cry but pray for him always.
Dja (Allahyarham's fiancee) requested to meet up with me and Hafiz just now. It was just a simple meetup under her void deck. We shared our individual stories of his last moments. But hearing Dja's story of his final moments at the hospital before his final breathe, I'm more than sure he's in a better place now. MasyaAllah dan alhamdulillah.
I am missing him, but just as we sat down and talked, it felt as if he was with us. Besides the memories, he has left me with many new friends and I really hope we can continue on this friendship even without him.
Monday, October 15, 2007
@11:50 PM
AL-FATEHA
Dear friend,
Your departure is a great loss to many. We are all missing you... we miss your words, we miss your laughter, we miss your advices, we miss your presence. I am missing you. You have touched my life in many ways than one.
As said in my previous entry, I really thank Allah for sending you to me, for this short reacquaintance after many many years of lost contact. MasyaAllah, Allah is so great. You left us suddenly... and it was as if you know that your time has come.
Ya Allah, I really thank you for allowing me that final chance to meet him before he left us. Dear friend, thank you for insisting to meet up that night to return me the things. I knew you were tired and I was still doing my springcleaning for Hari Raya; but we still did. You showed me your Raya baju which you never got a chance to wear. You've showed me your new helmet which could not fit on my big head. You got me to paste that probation triangle on your bike. You polished and waxed your bike while I sat cracking up some lame jokes. But I did notice you were quieter that night, but I thought it was because you've had a long day.
But I still do have some regrets. You requested me to bring down some lontong and kuih raya which I never did. You wished me Selamat Hari Raya and seeked for my forgiveness, it was a long one indeed. Your words really stirred me inside. I was trying to hold back my tears and throughout your speech, I just stood silent, just listening to you. I was lost for words. In return, I could only say "same for me too" because I did not want you to hear my breaking voice. And I still remember your very last line: 'Azah, selalu kenangku dalam doamu' *Always remember me in your prayers*. I was really going to break down hearing that and I just said a simple goodbye and left you.
It was the night of Hari Raya when the tragedy happened. You were on your way back from my place. You have just completed your 1 full month of fasting, alhamdulillah.
Dear friend, we've shared many wonderful times during this past 2 months. I've no regrets. We were sincere in our friendship and it doesnt matter what other people had to say. Thank you for allowing me to be your friend, and I hope I have been a good one.
I will always remember
-31st July when I saw you at my house for the An-Nur youth meeting and how I could recognise you after so long.
-malam 1 Ramadhan when you asked me to read the Quran together with you over the phone. I was so moved by that request. I cried.
-the day I sent you to collect your bike. How you were so excited to finally have the convenience of travelling around.
- the break fast dinner with your fiancee and Hafiz on your birthday.
- all the ceramahs we listened together over the phone played from YouTube.
-and very much especially our very last meetup before the tragedy. Indeed there are many other memories to remember you by; too many. Thank you friend. You've taught me a lot. Now I must carry through all your advices and insyaAllah we'll meet again someday.
I've been rereading the previous entry about thanking you. I didn't know why I suddenly had the urge to pen that down.... perhaps I just wanted to thank you before you leave, eventhough I know I never told you that personally before.
So many people came to pay their last respect and so many prayed for you. MasyaAllah. You have left us in such a blessed manner, no one could ask for more.
Mari kita sedekahkan Al-Fateha buat Rafiq Bin Yahya yang telah lebih dulu meninggalkan kita. Moga-moga dia ditempatkan di samping orang-orang yang soleh dan beriman dan mendapat tempat di taman syurgaNya. Amin.
3 Oct 1982-14 Oct 2007
Life is indeed very short. We can never know when ours will end. Let's make the best of the time we have and cherish all the people around us.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
@11:31 PM
DAM DAM DUMAlamak dah nak raya ke?? As much as I want to immerse myself in the festive mood, there are just so many things to be done; don't even talk about my mounting markings. Been in school very early everyday this week for many unavoided reasons like hydroponics and centralised marking. And suddenly last night, it dawned upon me that I haven't prepared much for Hari Raya. And so, I managed to go on an amazing race shopping spree just now right after hydroponics and just before school. AndI wasn't the only one~ Mdm Maryanni pun join sekaki jugak :)And so in that short one hour, I manage to drive down to the old Woodlands Centre to get mine and the other-ladies-in-the-household's tudungs ( as always just the plain AKEL ones will do perfectly fine for me) in all colours but mainly shades of purple. And then I sped down to Causeway point to get the bedsheets from Aussino for the three bedrooms, and so my account statement has dwindled by $250! In just one hour?!!!But I'm so thankful that I have my Humaira (my kemerah-merahan car) to bring me to places at times like this. Being in the afternoon session leaves me with not much time to do anything else. Terpaksa la squeeze in time whenever possible. Now I realise.... I don't have brooches... hhmm my nice ones are all worn out. Mana ada time nak shopping lagi seh!!!
Tomorrow, I shall be out as early as 8 to collect the many kek kukus from Nani.
And still I'm wishing that Ramadhan is not coming to an end.
But yet I'm looking forward to the jalan raya with these babes! 281007.. insyaAllah will be there!
@1:33 AM
I THANK YOU AND ESPECIALLY YOU
In this short period of time that we got to know each other better, you might have put me through a turmoil of emotions. We were granted the gift of a special bond; yes you made me a happier person, despite all the tears; those were not all tears of despair, there were more to each pearl that dropped. And I want to thank you.... you have brought me nearer to YOU. You were sent for a purpose.
During the times that you brought me down, you yourself called me to seek for YOU. And it hit me hard how at that moment of time, I had put you above YOU. I have to thank YOU for bringing you to me, and I have to thank you for bringing me to YOU. And I really hope this nearness to YOU is not seasonal.
Often enough, when things go well and I'm at my peak of happiness, I tend to forget to show my gratitude to YOU for all YOUR blessings that have been bestowed upon me. It is my weakness to depend on another human being to cheer me up and set the heart at ease....
My fellow humans can disappoint, but never YOU.
Ya Allah segala yang ku perolehi ini semuanya datang dariMU. Aku redha dengan qada' and qadarMu.
Ramadhan is taking it's leave soon. I will definitely miss the solemn and peaceful atmosphere of this beautiful month. This Ramadhan has been filled with many beautiful memories and they shall be kept close at heart.
To all my friends out there.... you have played a significant part in my life too, although we may have crossed path for a brief moment. You were God-sent and thank you for being part of my life journey.
Sayu kan dengar lagu ni?
Those who believed, and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah s.w.t. , verily, in the remembrance of Allah s.w.t. do hearts find rest...
Although Ramdhan is coming to an end, I must continue not to speak as much evil, see as much evil and hear as much evil.
But yet I'm looking forward to the jalan raya with these babes! 281007.. insyaAllah will be there! 
