TIME NEVER GOES BACK

Thursday, September 27, 2007

@10:14 AM

How I wished the person with me last night wasn't you.
Then it would have been right instead of wrong.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

@2:35 AM

LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST

So today marked the last session of M-Power. I must say I will miss my P6 pupils. They may be very weak in their Maths but I'm really glad that they have the perserverance and motivation to improve. Almost every lesson, I will have full attendance and that really pushed me to attend the sessions although sometimes I can be feeling really tired after a day's work.

To celebrate the last session, we broke fast together... we have quite a spread of food; nasi goreng, kway teow goreng, spring chicken, fruits, bottles of lemon tea, epok-epok and a cake specially made by one of the pupils ...(bagi sesiapa yg sedang berpuasa di saat membaca.. ampun dan maaf).

I'm just praying that these pupils get their deserving grades for the upcoming PSLE. Hopefully I have helped them in one way or another and that they will have the undying spirit to excel no matter what. Thanks for being such a great bunch. All the best ya guys! Aza Aza fighting!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

@11:35 PM

CALMNESS

A dear friend shared this with me a few weeks ago... and I realised that I have bookmarked it under my favourites. Viewing it again, I remembered why it has been put under favourites. So I am now sharing this with you. Something to soothe those overworked nerves and calm the senses.

@10:16 AM

THANK YOU AH!

So an SMS came just after I finished terawih last night, at 11pm or make that 10.58pm to be exact.....to tell me that my lesson observation by the NZ visitors is cancelled! I don't know whether to be happy or angry- but ultimately it is still a relief la.

Just super frustrated that I was spending my whole day off at home stressing myself up over the lesson plan, searching and googling the internet for online resources since I was trying to really make it IT-based. Although by the time that I received the SMS I might not have completed like 20% of the lesson preparation, but still like, you could have told me earlier man... then I could have really gone to read a book under a tree or at least really slept the whole entire afternoon.

Bluek! ok but I shall not blame anyone.... but the visitors themselves can? Oops hehe apparently they can't stand the heat here and therefore unwilling to hang around for long. *slams forehead*

Ok whatever it is, one balak down and I've finally submitted my Science paper for vetting... and yes I just remembered that I have an assembly presentation next Tuesday... so that's another powerpoint presentation to prepare for over the weekend.

There it goes again. Who needs a weekend planner?!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

@2:18 PM

THE VICIOUS CYCLE

I know i've been dropping by my blogspot like I have the time in the world when I definitely don't. This has just become my outlet to destress... there are many other entries typed but remained unpublished because I just prefer not to have the whole world reading them.

But it still is a relief of some sort to post one-liners and weird things that make sense to no one else but me. Sometimes, there are just so many things bogging my head that I had to force some out to make space for other more necessary stuff.

The truth is, work is overwhelming. I even need to buy time to have my proper sleep and that's what I exactly did today. I got really groggy after just an hour of sleep the night before and I could feel the flu bug coming cos my body was aching all over. Last night was payback time. Once I reached home at 10 plus last night, I just landed into deep slumber with the day's clothes still on... and I slept all the way only to be woken up for sahur, with an even more aching body. So today I had to visit Mr Doc for that must-get-small-slip-of-paper.

This cycle just keeps returning doesn't it? I just wish I could spend this off day resting and reading a book under a tree- that would be really peaceful.... but nope... I'm here slogging on my unfinished exam paper and lesson observation for tomorrow............

And I'm praying for the flu bug to stay away from me, at least for now.

Monday, September 17, 2007

@10:20 AM

STAY AWAY

I'm super groggy... I'm super sleepy...

I'm aching all over.

I'm seeking.......

for any place where I can lay my aching body

for a minute where I can shut and rest my bloody red and tired eyes

for something that can make me look forward to go through the day.

I wana go home!!! Mak can fetch me from school? I'm not feeling well!!

I'm unrest in all aspect. Someone is just not helping too.

I'm super frustrated with myself!

What is wrong with me?

Can someone belanja me sleep? I don't want food, I don't need drinks. Just treat me some time so I can lay and forget everything.

One consolation, the lesson observation by the New Zealanders is on Wednesday, not tomorrow; which means I can sleep a little tonight.... hhmm perhaps not too cos I stil havent finish my TOS and answer key for my science paper despite working on it for the whole of yesterday till 5 am just now..... and up at 6.30 to be in school by 8 for the oral invigilation.

Don't think setting exam papers is as easy as choosing fishes in the market ok? Cos it's very well not!

I'm in need of a proper weekend.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

@12:12 PM

STRUGGLE

I am struggling between my worldly commitments and my wish to be more spiritual in this blessed month. Deadlines after deadlines and everything just seems like a mad rush.

I still have two major assigments in progress.

1) I have to set the Science P3 SA2 paper.... Due tomorrow. Not even halfway done yet and there will be a lot of scanning to be done.

2) Two New Zealanders are coming to my school on Tuesday and again I've been arrowed for my lesson to be observed. If only I could say no. And they want it to be IT-based somemore! So that means that I would need to at least prepare a powerpoint slide... or should I just bring my kids to the computer lab and let them do e-learning? Haiya headache, but this I shall put on hold for the moment. Must finish up task no 1 first!

3) Markings are already stacking up. And I'm just blogging here to destress for a while.

Anyway I was mentioning about the struggle. I don't know about you people but I have my periods of being more spiritually inclined. Kira tu macam in the mood to duduk atas sejadah lebih lama, baca Quran and yada yada.... tapi kalau mood menyetan malas tu dah datang, kadang2 sembahyang pun can put on hold till the last minute. Buruk sungguh! Ni tandanya imanku masih belum kuat Astaghfirullah! And how I just wish that I have more than 24 hours, I have limitless energy and have super powers especially in this bulan Ramadhan- So that I can do all that I wish and all that is needed.

This is a struggle and this is a challenge for me. I just haven't been very good at time management that's why.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

@12:06 AM

MERINDU KEPASTIAN

A simple song with simple yet meaningful lyrics.... the song's been ringing in my head.

Siapakah gerangan yang sudi menjadi bunga untuk menghiasi dadaku di kala aku menjadi tanah nanti.... Alamak ni bukan feeling jiwang da.... tapi satu soalan cepu emas.

Anyway 2 days of Ramadhan have gone by. Alhamdulillah.. all is well and I have never felt better eversince duno when. InsyaAllah Ramadhan akan menjadi bulan ketenangan untuk diri ini. And I hope it will be the same for you too.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

@11:16 PM

Kecantikan Lelaki
==============
Kecantikan seorang lelaki bukan kepada rupa fizikal tetapi pada murni rohani.
Lelaki yang cantik, adalah: -
1) Lelaki yang mampu mengalirkan airmata untuk ingatan
2) Lelaki yang sedia menerima segala teguran
3) Lelaki yang memberi madu, setelah menerima racun
4) Lelaki yang tenang dan lapang dada
5) Lelaki yang baik sangka
6) Lelaki yang tak pernah putus asa

Kecantikan lelaki berdiri di atas kemuliaan hati. Seluruh kecantikan yang ada pada Nabi Muhammad adalah kecantikan yang sempurna seorang lelaki.

Kegagahan Wanita
==============
Kegagahan seorang wanita bukan kepada pejal otot badan, tetapi pada kekuatan perasaan. Perempuan yang gagah, adalah: -
1) Perempuan yang tahan menerima sebuah kehilangan
2) Perempuan yang tidak takut pada kemiskinan
3) Perempuan yang tabah menanggung kerinduan setelah ditinggalkan
4) Perempuan yang tidak meminta-minta agar dipenuhi segala keinginan.

Kegagahan perempuan berdiri di atas teguh iman. Seluruh kegagahan yang ada pada Siti Khadijah adalah kegagahan sempurna bagi seorang perempuan.

Sememangnya aku tidak mampu menjadi Siti Khadijah

(cliche seh... :( only for those who few who understand)

@12:20 AM

AND IN THIS CRAZY LIFE AND THROUGH THIS CRAZY TIMES

Term 4 has begun. I have been quite apprehensive to start this new term eversince my RO approached me to tell me of my new assignments. I have been entrusted to take on 5 Science classes; that's 3 more new classes on top of my 2 currents ones- 3 P5 classes and 2 P3 classes. Thank you for having such confidence in me, but I'm not quite sure I can handle it myself. I was already having problem catching up with the syllabus with my P5F class and now I have more Science classes to add on to the stress.

But I must say, my first session with the P5I (EM3) was pretty ok. Quite a small group, therefore still managable. Yet to enter P5H, and hopefully they are just as forthcoming to my presence. Well I've just gotta do my very best. Term 4 will be a very short one. So I gota straight away go into gear 5 and zoom my way through.

Anyway I think I must thank Azlynna for getting me hooked to this song. It has been the cheer-me-up song eversince it was introduced to the pupils for the pre-assembly sessions every Thursday. Nevermind that I was the one who had to conduct it together with Celine. Knowing that my voice would have cracked those window panes, I was happy enough to just point out the lyrics and sway along with the pupils.

Enjoy this song too ya people! So LA LA LA LA LA LA LA... and in this CRAZY life! And through this crazy times, it's you it's YOU, you make me sing...

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

@11:56 PM

TIME NEVER GOES BACK

It's really strange how I can feel different emotions at one time. I'm still very much the old same girl yet so much has changed and life is still ever evolving. Sometimes, I do wish for times when things were different and not so complicated but then again when I remember laughing and smiling without that cloud of wistfulness attaching itself and tainting the moment, I told myself, this is the life that Allah has carved for me, the life I seek, the path I chose.

Life can change so quickly sometimes, all it takes is a second and before I know it, I'm a different person. I wonder what would I have changed if I had this life to do all over again. There are so many things I wish I would have done, said and so many things I should have fought harder for. There were so many times when I just relinquished control instead of standing my ground and now its too late. Time never goes back.

Change really sucks sometimes because in a lot of situations you are completely powerless, there's nothing you can do about it. It becoming obvious that what makes the passing of time so difficult is that you're left with memories. Things can come into your life and leave such a profound impression only to be taken away. What's worse is that there are constant reminders. Moments when you're in a place or with a person that triggers emotion and thoughts that take you right back to where you were only to be assaulted with the harsh reality that you aren't back where you were and things will never be the same again.

I'm sensitive at times (ok perhaps many of the times) and one of my biggest problems is letting things go, even when I want and need to. I have no one else to blame but myself. But what do you do when you don't want to let go of the things. Nothing can replace what is lost and so memories are it, sweet or painful. Everyone has remnants of moments in time which you just want to cherish and hopefully it can be locked in that permanent folder in your memory space.

The greatest mistake is not to learn from it... but some people just need to repeat the same old mistake before they feel that hard knock on their head. I'm sure in this course of this life that I have lead thus far, I have done wrong to many, albeit in realisation or not. I really don't intend to hurt anyone, but I do have my shortcomings. Please forgive me for all the misdeeds I have done onto you. Please forgive me.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

@2:20 AM

IF I CALL YOU FRIEND

5 teachers went exploring the neoprint machine in celebration of Joyce's birthday. Unfamiliar to the jap language, we had to count pretty much on our guts and through trial and error, these are the best we could produce. But nevertheless, we had a lot of laughter and fun.

So when's the next time??

If I call you friend,

You will always share a piece of my heart.

I will always pride myself,

To always be true to you.

As much as I need friends,

So must you.

I will also share a place in your heart,

To be there whenever you need me.

I may not be there in flesh, But I will always be there in spirit.

I will cope with your moods,

And try to understand your needs.

When you are angry,I will laugh with you.

As sadness overwhelms you,

We will cry together.

If you feel down and kicked,

I will pick you up and brush away your doubts.

When you think you can't continue,

I will remind you that you can.

As you become discouraged,

I will boost your ego high.

At times when you wish to talk,

My attention will be all yours.

Being a friend I don't take lightly,

It's my desire, never a chore.

At times when you must mourn,

I shall mourn with you.

If you need some silence,

yet not be alone,

We will sit together in the peace of quiet.

When you wish to play,

You will always have a playmate.

When you feel on top of the world,

I'll pat your back and tell you, you deserve to be.

You will never be completely alone,

A piece of me will always be with you.

One thing I can always give,

Is the gift of friendship for you to accept.

Allow our friendship to make you smile,

Bring joy to your life as you have to mine.

When you become confused and lost,

When you become confused and lose your way,

Let me guide you in the right direction.

Lean on me when you need support,

Let me share your sorrow and pain.

What good can a friend really be,

If you can't understand we will always care.

If I call you friend,

You will always know,

A friend you have in me.

Author Unknown

Thank you for being such dear friends... thank you for all the care and concern.

I hope I have been a great friend too, albeit not physically.