Monday, October 23, 2006
@4:10 AM
HER ENTRY HIT ME ON THE HEAD
I love going through my friends' blogs. They have such flair for writing and that makes their blogs interesting to read. I was reading JIEJA's (she's under one of my darlinks) blog and her latest entry triggers my thoughts. I could feel her words hitting me.
*Sorry Jiej, aku copy a large portion of it here. More for the purpose of sharing with my other readers. Kalau kau mind, minta maaf zahir dan batin. Nanti aku bayar royalty ok? Datang rumah aku makan kuih raya cukup?*
This is a large portion of her blog entry:
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LETTING GO
Dr. Alan Zimmerman's comments:Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way. They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It's able.
Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you're headed for deeper problems.In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get.You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll find your productivity slowing down as you find more and more time thinking about the slight or telling others about it.
Eventually, if you don't stop doing it, you'll even get sick. So what should you do the next time someone betrays you?TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS.Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings.
In other words, other people do not "cause" your feelings.You choose them.
As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck.You're a helpless victim. But if you recognize the fact that you choose your feelings and you are responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do.Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT.It's difficult to do, but it's possible.
And what can you do about anything once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn't. Those are your only two choices.Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up.
Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult, especially when the other person doesn't deserve your forgiveness or doesn'teven seek it. It's difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong.Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness.Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behavior is okay. And forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook. He's still responsible for his misbehavior.
Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It's about releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviors. It's about letting go of the past so you can go forward to thefuture.Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you'll be way ahead of most people. You'll be able to live above andbeyond your circumstances.
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At the end of the entry, she asked to identify two people whom have disappointed, hurt, or angered me. I think she will know who comes across my mind first.
Even from the start, a friend was already on my mind. Yes a friend, not an enemy but a friend. I reflected on her entry.
Perhaps you wonder why am I feeling that bitterness after all this while if everything has been forgiven? Yes it has been forgiven, but not forgotten. I do not purposely remember but the memories just linger on in my mind. Almost all of the many beautiful and sweet memories and few but deep ugly ones.
It was because I got my emotions too deeply involved back then that the few deep ugly memories overwrite the many beautiful ones. And also because I miss the beautiful days. Back then I wanted to remember everthing single thing that we did. I wanted to cherish every moment so till now all the memories are still deely embedded in my mind.
I can smile thinking of them, but moments later it will just trigger my tearduct. I know I am responsible for my feelings. I don't want to feel miserable.
I know HE has HIS reasons for everything. I am paying for my misdeeds for forgetting HIM when HE granted me that short-lived happiness. I broke HIS rules.
I have no grudge against my friend. I want us to remain as friends. But somehow things have turn awkward and I know I feel sad because of that. You have become that friend yet a stranger.
I know I acted aloof whenever you are around. I was just controlling my emotions.
For whatever that has been said and done, I know I was hurt and disappointed more than angered. You had your reasons and I had my hopes. They did not complement ..... and so the story goes.
I do take responsibilty for my own feelings. I am very aware that I am emotional. I am stubborn but fragile. It is easy to make me happy and it is also easy to break me.
I am still fixing myself up. It's taking a longer time than I expected. The hairline crack will always remain visible but lets see that as the patterns of my life that makes the picture all more interesting.
It's already the eve of Hari Raya.
Di sini Azah ingin sekali mengambil kesempatan ini untuk menyusun sepuluh jari meminta ampun dan maaf sekiranya ada terkasar bahasa, atau pernah sesekali Azah menyinggung perasaan sesiapa.
Sebagai hambaNya Azah tak terlepas daripada membuat salah.
Buanglah yang keruh, ambil yang jernih. Semoga Lebaran ini membawa seribu kenangan manis untuk dititip hingga ke hari tua.
Jemputlah datang ke rumah nanti ye!
To my none-Muslim friends, have a good holiday!
