Monday, November 06, 2006
@2:31 PM
ALIKE
We went to my dad's cousin's house last Saturday night. It wasn't just for the Raya visiting. His wife had a relapse from breast cancer. She was free for a year after being diagnosed in 2004. She tried to avoid chemotheraphy back then, she feared the side effects. She experiemented with traditional medicines and she was cured.
But it was all temporary. The cancer cells came attacking back. And this time, the traditional way no longer work. She has gone for chemotheraphy a few times. I could barely hear her as I stood behind my parents by her bedside. Among the few lines which I managed to catch was " Tapi chemo sekarang dah bagus, rambut tak gugur lagi..." (Chemo today is better, I no longer shed my hair).
She wants to see the positive side of things, although she broke down a few times as she updated her state ever since her relapse in August to my parents.
And as I watched her... my mind started wandering away. I could see my late Bik Kam on the bed. She too suffered from breast cancer which has taken her away from all of us. She left us about 6 years ago.
She stayed at my house during her last couple of months. And that was when I became especially close to her. I didn't mind letting her have my bed. I saw her state fluctuate through the days. Sometimes she would have the strength to sit down for TV after having dinner at the dining table. But there were also days when she would be moaning softly in pain, not even able to sit up to have a sip of water. Although she was very much on the bed, I still looked forward to seeing her everyday after school. I could feel her pain but there wasn't much I could do to ease it. Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu yang memikul.
It was obvious that she was putting on a brave front and she was determined to fight on. And it was also because of her strong will that she was very devastated when the doctor broke the news that there was very little chance of stopping the cancerous cells from multiplying.
I could still remember her words when I left her at the hospital just minutes before she departed. She wished to stay at my house when she's discharged and I promised her that she would.
Earlier that day, I had prepared the room for her. I changed the bed sheet and and tidied the room. She was supposed to be discharged that day but she never did. I should have stayed just a little longer by her side to bid her my final farewell.
Bik Kam, do you know that when they came to pay their final respect, many commented that they saw you when they looked at me? I still get that once in a while. It shows that many still remember you.
I don't want to just look like you. I also want to inherit your generous and kind heart.
Semoga Tuhan mencucuri rohnya Amin.
And back to my dad's cousin...
she still has the will to fight on top of accepting her illness as a test from Allah. During my visit at her house, I was observing my surroundings. I do not feel much abnormality. Her husband entertained us with cheerfulness. Her quiet son showed by brother his guitar skills. Nothing has changed despite the wife's condition. That's something I admire.
I am very sure, the positivity which the family exudes has pushed her to live on. She has a caring husband who faithfully stayed by her side to push her on. Her son, the only child filially massaged his mum when requested,
I admire her. I envy her for the love and support she is receiving.
My family has been sticking by me through thick and thin and I'm sure they will always.
Now I'm wishing for a caring husband. He who can be my extra pillar of strength.
INSYAALLAH AMIN AMIN YA RABBAL ALAMIN
Haha nothing wrong in wishing and hoping right?
Que Sera Sera.. Whatever will be will be. The future's not ours to see.....
QUE SERA SERA
