Friday, April 20, 2007
@10:48 PM
NOT ONE WITH MYSELF
This past week I have been thinking alot (well more at least) about my life.
.....Alhamdulillah, I have achieved many great things; I've got through my education without much hiccups, settling well into my job, owe my own car... eerr what else can I list down? Seems like not that many great things afterall.
Or perhaps I'm just listing the materialistic part of it.... but then again, is there any other things worth mentioning? I don't know really.
Maybe because I'm suddenly feeling this heavy but empty feeling in me. It's like feeling love and hatred at the same time at myself. Being overwhelmed with work can sometimes just make me unconscious to my surroundings and not able to get in touch with my own feelings and thoughts.
Definitely, there are a lot more things that I wish to achieve. Not that I'm a high flyer. Many of these things might be simple things that many have been doing but I haven't been granted the freedom or chance to do. Some are hindered because I care too much about offending others. I was scared to trigger the anger button, I was terrified over people being displeased with me. It hard to describe these feelings.
I wonder for a moment how it was like to lose control of myself and self meaning, break lose and go against all boundaries.....
Or am I behaving just like the elephant?
But then again, it always comes back to the idea of what's wrong with making others happy? Especially when they mean so much to me? Although all these while I may not have shown that much outwardly affection and care towards them? I'm just the girl who rather hides her true emotions behind her laughters and smiles. I would rather just stay silent that to go against their words. But is retaliating silently inside just as bad?
I don't know.
Seriously, I hate thinking about it.... it just makes me hate growing up. To grow up yet not being able to think for myself. Not being able to distiguish what's right and what's wrong.
But then again who defines the right between the wrong??
For a moment of rarity, I wasn't one with ME.
All the materialistic ideals are definitely all that matters but more importantly...
LOVE
The special feeling that makes you feel all warm and wonderful.
RESPECT
Treating others as well as you would like to be treated.
APPRECIATION
To be grateful for all the good things that life has to offer.
HAPPINESS
The full enjoyment of each moment. A smiling face!
FORGIVENESS
The ability to let things be without anger.
SHARING
The joy of giving without thought of receiving.
HONESTY
The quality of always telling the truth.
INTEGRITY
The purity of doing what’s right, no matter what.
COMPASSION
The essence of feeling another’s pain, while easing their hurt.
PEACE
The reward for living the 10 Most Important Things.
