Sunday, September 09, 2007
@11:56 PM
TIME NEVER GOES BACK
It's really strange how I can feel different emotions at one time. I'm still very much the old same girl yet so much has changed and life is still ever evolving. Sometimes, I do wish for times when things were different and not so complicated but then again when I remember laughing and smiling without that cloud of wistfulness attaching itself and tainting the moment, I told myself, this is the life that Allah has carved for me, the life I seek, the path I chose.
Life can change so quickly sometimes, all it takes is a second and before I know it, I'm a different person. I wonder what would I have changed if I had this life to do all over again. There are so many things I wish I would have done, said and so many things I should have fought harder for. There were so many times when I just relinquished control instead of standing my ground and now its too late. Time never goes back.
Change really sucks sometimes because in a lot of situations you are completely powerless, there's nothing you can do about it. It becoming obvious that what makes the passing of time so difficult is that you're left with memories. Things can come into your life and leave such a profound impression only to be taken away. What's worse is that there are constant reminders. Moments when you're in a place or with a person that triggers emotion and thoughts that take you right back to where you were only to be assaulted with the harsh reality that you aren't back where you were and things will never be the same again.
I'm sensitive at times (ok perhaps many of the times) and one of my biggest problems is letting things go, even when I want and need to. I have no one else to blame but myself. But what do you do when you don't want to let go of the things. Nothing can replace what is lost and so memories are it, sweet or painful. Everyone has remnants of moments in time which you just want to cherish and hopefully it can be locked in that permanent folder in your memory space.
The greatest mistake is not to learn from it... but some people just need to repeat the same old mistake before they feel that hard knock on their head. I'm sure in this course of this life that I have lead thus far, I have done wrong to many, albeit in realisation or not. I really don't intend to hurt anyone, but I do have my shortcomings. Please forgive me for all the misdeeds I have done onto you. Please forgive me.
